Chop, chop…tale as old as time

The words my mother feared the most when I was young, or younger…

“Mummy, I’ve decided I’m becoming a vegetarian” 

If she could have wailed in despair, without causing permanent damage to my childhood, she would have done! That’s mostly because I was a grade-A pain in the ass to feed already, without cutting out the easy-peasy meal of choice: Chicken with something, anything! However, my picky attitude with food was nothing compared to my brother who would only eat peanut butter on toast, Yorkshire puddings and butterscotch Angel Delight till the age of about 13. Thankfully he now has a full and varied diet, maybe more than I would dare to try. 

Needless to say, being picky and witnessing my sibling with his ‘staple’ favourites, my meat strike didn’t last long…I hated most things that grew in the ground, or on a bush, or on a tree. 

But now, many years on, with a greater range of food favourites and a much greater understanding of how the food industry works, I have decided to go vegetarian, AGAIN, sorry mum!!! 

Don’t get me wrong, I love roast beef, can’t beat a chicken dinner, venison is my go-to for something special and pheasant is ALWAYS the Birthday meal of choice. With exception to the venison (and the pheasant, to a degree) if I can’t trust the source I do not want to support an industry cloaked in scandal, abuse and torture. It’s makes my blood boil when I see a slaughter house floor. An employee wearing a pigs ears and snout as a mask…you odd, odd little man, what on earth possessed you to do such a thing, maybe it’s a caveman, penis wrangling thing?! I once saw a video of a slaughterhouse employee repetitively punching a sheep to the ground…I have never, EVER wanted to attack a person but he would have felt the full savagery of a 5’5″ Hampshire bird, and I wouldn’t have stopped till he was drained of anything keeping him upright. 

I wholeheartedly blame the culture of fast food and laziness. Demand, demand, demand! Those who adopt such a way of fuelling themselves need to be educated in how to cook, from scratch, at home! Jamie had a bloody good crack at it and we all saw the backlash he got – mothers feeding their children chicken nuggets through the school gates. I’m sorry, but if you made it make sure you know how to look after it properly! 

I am damn sure everyone reading this, being of a countryside background – you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t – will agree fervently with my breakdown of society and it’s attitude toward food. What you pay for a family bucket of chicken will pay for an organic, free range, gold leaf, massaged chicken with all the trimmings with change for pudding for a family of four…with scraps left over for the dogs! 

So, next time you’re sorting dinner please think – ‘what kind of industry do I want to fund?’ 1.) the cheap, moral-free, fill it and kill it industry or 2.) the industry that gives a shit about its produce, both alive and dead! 

Till my dear friend has one of her cattle bumped off, or I have my own smallholding, I’m off the meat; can’t trust, won’t taste! 



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